What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
