How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
