I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
