just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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