Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
