He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
