you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
