Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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