so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
