My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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