Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
