seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
