i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
