Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
