i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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