I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
