you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
