Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
