So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
