Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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