Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
