Where is the hickey?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
