it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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