summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
