i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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