Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
