Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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