Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
