He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
