careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
