Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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