I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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