My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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