Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
