the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
NoShamevember. You game?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
