Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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