I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
