so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
