Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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