I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
