does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
