you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
