I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to align my fucking chakras
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dear god my vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
