someone threw a dead crab at me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
