dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
