The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
