In the future we'll all be gay
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
