My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
