Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
