She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
